Marked Up In Blood

There has been movement in the house move. Not the sort involving furniture, obviously. That would be reckless.

Today's progress concerned drains.

My solicitor phoned to say legal for our buyers had requested marked-up plans showing the location of the drains and septic tank. We are now at the stage of conveyancing where I am apparently the cartographic authority on my own sewage.

I asked whether she would like them marked up in blood. My solicitor declined the blood option, which was probably wise. There is already enough paperwork involved without introducing forensic evidence, so I marked them up in the more conventional manner.

The drains are visible. The septic tank is visible. But somebody who is not standing at the property requires a plan. 

I emailed them back. Perfectly politely.

This is the strange thing about conveyancing. There are now two versions of me operating simultaneously. One asks her conveyancer whether she should mark up the drainage plan in blood. The other writes:

Please note that these are approximate. However, all drains and the septic tank are evident at the property.

Both are me. One of them is considerably closer to the edge.

I don't know whether this is the final enquiry. I no longer believe in final enquiries. I think enquiries reproduce when left unattended.

But somewhere today, in a conveyancing file, there are now two plans with my drains drawn on them.

Progress. Not furniture-moving progress. Not key-handing-over progress. Not even the sort of progress from which one could reasonably infer that anything is actually going to happen.

But the drains have been located.

And nobody had to bleed.